Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
BREAKING: Twitter bans Elon Musk for life, saying that firing them violates Twitter’s Terms of Service
SILICON VALLEY, CA—Twitter, On Monday, announced the platform would permanently ban Elon Musk for violating their terms of service by...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Hochul: ‘It’s a conspiracy theory that New Yorkers don’t want to die in a Nuclear Armageddon’
New York Gov. Kathy Hochul (D), said, Tuesday, that what really scares people in the Empire State isn't the threat...
Your Guide to the 2022 Midterm Elections
Are you having trouble navigating the upcoming midterm elections? Well, you’re in luck, because we at the Genesius Times are...
Several unemployed actors you’ve never heard of threaten to leave Twitter over Musk takeover
SILICON VALLEY, CA—It's getting bad at Twitter after several ugly, unemployed actors that you've never heard of have threatened to...
BREAKING: Grindr drops Paul Pelosi sponsorship after he turns on his gay sex hammer Grindr date
SAN FRANCISCO—The gay sex dating app Grindr has dropped their Paul Pelosi sponsorship after he turned on his gay sex...
Elon Musk shatters world record after going 12 hours without killing himself after publicly insulting Hillary Clinton
TWITVILLE, CA—Austere billionaire businessman Elon Musk has shattered the world record after going a full 12 hours without killing himself...
BREAKING: Biden sends $40B in military aid to Twitter execs following Elon Musk annexation
SILICON VALLEY, CA—US President* Joe Biden has sent over $40 billion in military aid and weapons to Twitter executives following...
BREAKING: Violent hate speech rampant on Twitter just hours after Elon Musk’s takeover
SILICON VALLEY, CA—Just hours after International Man of Mystery Elon Musk's takeover of the bastion of progressive propaganda Twitter, violent...
Biology is bigotry. No one is born a woman.
This is science people. The billboard clearly shows what is obvious to all of us with three doctorates in gender...
Free speech is rooted in oppression
It's clear to everyone and anyone with at least one masters degree in queer studies or lesbian dance theory that...
