AOC: ‘If global warming is a hoax, why is it 90° in Australia now in the middle of WINTER?!’ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth storms Senate Armed Forces Hearing; claims Capitol for Jesus Christ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth opens senate confirmation hearing by calling Adam Schiff ‘so ugly even Epstein wouldn’t bring him to his island’ 
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name 
AOC horrified that people are using gas-powered blowtorches instead of solar-powered one to start wildfires in California 
AOC sees nothing wrong with using horse paste to treat COVID
WASHINGTON, DC—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has stepped out into the firing lines and defended the use of ivermectin horse paste...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Taliban to combat climate change by killing all dissenters who breathe
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—The Taliban has vowed to tackle climate change as part of the terror group's attempt to rebrand itself and modernize. A spokesman...
Portland ups the ante: 2 free hits of crack with vaccine card
PORTLAND, OR—The City of Portland is upping the crack rock ante in its COVID-19 vaccine push, doubling the number of...
Biden sending 5000 troops to get all Americans trapped inside Chicago
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden told Americans stuck in Chicago that the government will bring them back to the U.S. even as it is not sure how...
BREAKING: Biden surrenders to Nazi Germany too
WASHINGTON, DC—After a successful withdrawal and surrender to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, US President* Joe Biden has unilaterally decided to...
BREAKING: Pete Buttigieg declares himself winner in Afghanistan election
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—As the new Afghan government is forming, former US Democratic Presidential candidate Pete Buttigieg announced himself victorious in the...
Biden orders all rainbow flags flown at half-staff after Taliban cancels UN queer theory classes
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was appalled to hear that the Taliban cancelled all...
Biden assures Americans trapped in Afghanistan he won’t send any mean tweets
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden finally promised the 10-15,000 Americans still trapped in Afghanistan that they don't need to worry about...
LeBron slams racist NBA Best Player poll: ‘They voted for Antetokounmpo cuz he’s white’
LOS ANGELES—Lakers superstar LeBron James is crying racism after receiving zero votes in an ESPN offseason poll of NBA executives...
‘Why are you so selfish?’ asks woman demanding others inject themselves with experimental drug to make her feel safe
PITTSBURGH, PA—While on her way to a local school board meeting to force children to wear face masks, local woman...
