BREAKING: Catholic Cardinals Elect Joe Biden as Pope After Mysterious 3 AM Vote Surge 
BREAKING: Trump to rename San Andreas Fault to ‘Joe Biden’s Fault’ 
BREAKING: India bombs Pakistan after they refused to send their ‘bobs and vagene’ 
Massachusetts Judge Bans Trump from Being President, Cites ‘Orange Man Bad’ Doctrine 
BREAKING: Trump Ends US-Canada Trade War with Bold Swap: Seattle and Portland for Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba 
Biden ends investigation into whether China leaked COVID because ‘they said they didn’t’
WASHINGTON, DC—The Biden administration has concluded the investigation into whether the Chinese Communist Party had developed and released COVID-19 as...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
50 Shades of Communism
Netflix is releasing a new film staring democratic socialists Bernie Sanders and Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez: 50 Shades of Communism. The man...
Netflix releases new documentary on January 6 riot ‘AOC: Defending the Capitol’
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—The online media giant Netflix has released a new documentary on the January 6th riot in Washington, DC...
BREAKING: Mostly peaceful gunfire erupts in George Floyd autonomous zone on anniversary of death
(CNN—MINNEAPOLIS) A hail of mostly peaceful gunfire erupted on Tuesday at George Floyd Square, a police-free zone that encompasses the area in Minneapolis where...
BREAKING: Several people actually still believe what Anthony Fauci says
US—In a shocking poll conducted by the Pew Pew Research Center, it appears that several people—maybe upwards of 150 across...
BREAKING: George Floyd celebrates 1 year of sobriety
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, patron saint of fentanyl, celebrated 365 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit taking drugs following...
Biden awards AOC the Purple Heart for her bravery in the War of January 6th
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden awarded Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) the prestigious Purple Heart medal for her military valor in the War...
BREAKING: G-D comes out as gender neutral, pronouns are they/them
HEAVEN—Heavenly sources confirmed today that G-D has come out as gender neutral, and Their preferred pronouns are They/Them. They Themselves...
BREAKING: Pentagon confirms alien sightings in and around Chicago
WASHINGTON, DC—The Pentagon confirmed today that there have been legitimate sightings of aliens in and around the Chicago area. Residents...
Biden finally finishes reading governing instruction manual 1984
WASHINGTON, DC—President-elect Joe Biden has finally finished reading the bestselling governing how-to manual "Nineteen Eighty-Four" and has already started implementing...
