Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
Bill Gates donates 10000 Windows 10 ventilators to NYC but patients are getting blue screen of death
Microsoft founder and former CEO Bill Gates is donating 1,000 Windows 10 ventilators to New York City amid the COVID-19...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Hundreds get alcohol poisoning playing the White House COVID-19 Press Brief Drinking Game
Everyone is homebound. Well almost. After taking some walks, binge-watching every Netflix series ever produced since 1950, and buying enough...
BREAKING: Joe ‘Exotic’ Biden surges in polls with new post-quarantine look
Democratic presidential hopeful Joe Biden's campaign has been suffering through weak polling numbers and consistent senility. The New York Times...
Cuomo: ‘We didn’t prepare for an emergency because we didn’t know when we’d have one’
There is a word in the English language that the Boy Scouts have used for years that you won't hear...
Ruth Bader Ginsburg says she can violate COVID-19 quarantine because she’s ‘already dead’
The coronavirus outbreak has forced numerous gyms across the country to close, but Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg's says that she...
STUDY: Women named Karen derive 83% of life satisfaction from telling people to stay home during COVID crisis
WASHINGTON—In a shocking new CDC study, researchers have found a correlation between being named Karen and deriving an inordinate amount...
Modern medicine’s answer to COVID-19: Medieval quarantine
Every single hour new restrictions are being put in place for the sensationalized COVID-19 crisis. The UK has just considered...
Realtors in NYC begin selling ventilator time-shares
It does appear that there are a few truly blazing hot spots where COVID-19 is thriving. Elmhurst Queens, Downtown New...
POLL: Most people unimpressed with their 30-day free trial of Communism
A poll conducted by the Pew Pew Institute shows that a majority of Americans are unimpressed with their 30-day free...
Trump says ‘laughter is the best medicine’ to fight COVID-19; calls for national ‘Day of Satire’
During his daily COVID-19 press conference, President Donald Trump reported that, "laughter is the best medicine," in the fight against...
