Family makes annual trip to donate last year’s Chinese junk to make room for this year’s Chinese junk 
Kamala Harris unsure how to pay off campaign debt but certain about how to run the US economy 
Crenshaw dyes hair purple to win back ‘Most Revolting Person In DC’ title 
CNN: Car mostly-peacefully drives itself into Magdeburg Christmas market 
‘Climate change is the single greatest threat to humanity’ says the guy who’s trying to start a global thermonuclear war 
New rules for CNN debate: Trump will be in a sound-proof glass room and only be able to respond using sign language
ATLANTA—In a shocking and unexpected turn of events, CNN has announced that it will be implementing new rules for its...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
EXCLUSIVE: Preview of Presidential Debate Between Trump and Biden
Genesius Times was able to obtain exclusive footage of the future debate between President Donald Trump and President* Joe Biden....
Pro-Illegal Immigration Advocate Outraged Over Line-Cutter at Starbucks
DENVER—A Colorado-based pro-illegal immigration advocate, Ira Nee, was incensed when a man cut the line at Starbucks. The incident has...
Lego releases new Gaza Pride set
This revolutionary new toy is designed to promote cultural sensitivity and to teach children about the importance of acceptance and...
Nation celebrates Juneteenth when the government freed slaves from the plantation and made them slaves to the state
US—Americans across the country came together on June 19th to celebrate the momentous occasion of Juneteenth - the day when...
Walmart pulls Fried Chicken & Watermelon ‘Juneteenth’ ice cream after backlash
LOS ANGELES—Walmart has apologized for the Juneteenth items that its selling at its stores, specifically the Watermelon & Fried Chicken...
BREAKING: Congress narrowly avoids being fiscally responsible again
WASHINGTON, DC—In a feat of financial acrobatics that left economists shaking their heads and taxpayers reaching for aspirin, Speaker Mike...
White House Report ‘Inflation is Way Down’ After Excluding Gas, Food, Housing
In a brilliant move to piggyback off the FBI's new method of reporting crime, the White House has announced that...
Biden: ‘Imprisoning Political Enemies Is the Only Way to Save Democracy’
President* Joe Biden has declared that "imprisoning political enemies is the only way to save democracy", in what many are...
Deciding Between a Community College and a University
So, you've crossed the threshold of high school and are now standing at the gateway to higher education. Congratulations! But...
