Quarantined Joe Biden grows mustache so he can continue sniffing hair
WASHINGTON, DC – Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been quarantined and staffers for his campaign have finally convinced him to...
coronavirus
BREAKING: April Fool’s Day cancelled because reality is so ridiculous
US President* Joe Biden has cancelled the national holiday April Fool's Day due to severe competition from the ridiculousness of...
BREAKING: Biden to replace Christmas with 12 variants of Coronamas
WASHINGTON, DC—Due to the rise of gas prices, an increase in inflation, and overall economic failure, the the Biden administration...
Man eaten by shark dies from white supremacy coronavirus
(CNN) CORONADO, CA—Evidence is beginning to mount that young and healthy people can contract COVID-19 and die from the horrifying...
BREAKING: COVID-19 has died after infecting Chuck Norris at age 81
DALLAS—COVID-19, the novel coronavirus, which has wrecked havoc across the globe, has been declared dead after infecting Chuck Norris. "We...
Fauci declares ‘I am science’ as he launches new COVID Inquisition Panel
WASHINGTON, DC—Grand Science Wizard Saint Anthony Fauci has declared what everyone in the mainstream media has known for a while:...
REPORT: Dr. Fauci working on creating more viruses so he can stay relevant forever
WASHINGTON, DC—If there’s anyone in more dire need right now of staying relevant for as long as possible, it’s Dr....
Bill Gates wins Oscar for best villain in real life
HOLLYWOOD—The 93rd Academy Awards broke a lot of new ground this year including awards for best real-life villain, which went...
CDC recommends everyone now wear tin foil face masks while in public
WASHINGTON — The Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) readied new guidelines Monday on coronavirus protections including an innovative...
POLL: Most people unimpressed with their 2-week free trial of the New World Order
A poll conducted by the Pew Pew Institute shows that a majority of Americans are unimpressed with their 2-week free...
