BREAKING: CNN projects Kamala Harris winner of 2024 presidential election
US—Millions of people took to the street to celebrate as Joe Biden's VP pick Kamala Harris was projected winner of...
CNN
BREAKING: Large political rallies are okay again
NEW YORK—CNN has confirmed that large political rallies are okay again as long as they are full of people celebrating...
BREAKING: America is no longer a systemically racist country
(CNN) Thanks to a crushing victory in the 2020 presidential race by Joe Biden, eulogist for KKK Grand Cyclops Robert...
Puppet strings visible during Biden’s CNN townhall
SCRANTON, PA—Puppet strings were clearly visible holding Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden up during a softball townhall hosted by CNN....
CNN: Trump recklessly brings Middle East to brink of peace
(CNN) US President Donald Trump has recklessly brought the Middle East to the brink of peace as United Arab Emirates...
Dead Antifa protesters enjoying a fiery but ‘mostly peaceful’ afterlife
HELL—Several recently deceased Antifa warriors are enjoying a fiery but "mostly peaceful" afterlife in the eternal fires of Hell. A...
BREAKING: 17-year-old mostly peacefully shoots 3 Kenosha protesters
KENOSHA, WI--A 17-year-old Illinois minor has been accused of mostly peacefully killing two protesters and injuring another with an AR-15-style rifle in...
BREAKING: Hindenburg completes fiery but mostly successful journey
The Hindenburg airship has completed a fiery but mostly successful journey in Manchester Township, New Jersey, United States. The German passenger...
Nick Sandmann renames CNN since he absolutely owns them
The Cable News Network (CNN), founded in 1980 by American media magnate Ted Turner has been renamed the Nick Sandmann...
CNN apologizes for upcoming ‘technical difficulties’ whenever Biden speaks
ATLANTA—CNN has already purchased dozens of new cameras and TV equipment from the Chinese Communist Party in anticipation of the...
