BREAKING: CIA flubs pathetic assassination attempt on Biden
US—The CIA are getting very rusty. Their pathetic assassination attempt to take out President* Biden ended with five burnt SUVs...
Exavier Saskagoochie
Exavier is an excellent writer—tremendous. He's really very, very talented. And his hair is really great too. He should have a couple Pulitzers under his belt by now if there was any justice. If he brightened your day at all please consider tipping a coffee or a leg of mutton through this link!
BREAKING: Pentagon hires Sam Bankman-Fried after proving he can lose money as fast as anyone
US—The Department of Defense has hired embattled cryptocurrency Ponzi schemer Sam Bankman-Fried after he lost $16 billion overnight. "We saw...
GOP to read Constitution aloud on House floor so they know ‘exactly what to ignore when they pass unconstitutional laws later on’
Kevin McCarthy said the entirety of the United States Constitution will be read on the first day of the new...
Child Abuse Hotline volunteer shocked when Joe Biden tried to ‘place an order’
WASHINGTON, DC—A volunteer for the local Child Abuse Hotline service was shocked when she received a call from President* Joe...
BREAKING: Buffalo hammered with 6 feet of Global Warming over the weekend
BUFFALO, New York—New York residents in Buffalo and other parts of the state are waking this morning to up to...
Maricopa to produce theatrical version of ‘Dumb and Dumber’ to entertain while they count votes
PHOENIX—During a flawless election cycle in which upwards of 30% of voters were disenfranchised and has taken over a week...
BREAKING: California launches guaranteed income program for all human turds in the state
California has launched a guaranteed income program for the state's human turd residents to help with financial insecurity. Governor Gavin Newsom...
EXCLUSIVE VIDEO: US reacts to Nancy Pelosi stepping down from Party leadership
Speaker of the US House of Representatives Nancy Pelosi (D-NY), who failed to have her husband killed last month, has...
BREAKING: Jimmy Fallon has died from complications of climate change
Fans from across the world are mourning the passing of Jimmy Fallon, who died yesterday from complications of extreme climate...
