BREAKING: McCarthy wins Speaker vote after finding 150,000 mail-in ballots at 2am
WASHINGTON, DC—In a shocking turn of events, the House of Representatives have voted in Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) after finding 150,000 mail-in...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: Omnibus spending bill includes $74 million green T-shirt budget for Zelensky
US—Congress is poised to pass an historic omnibus spending bill with $1.7 Trillion in new debt. While people like Senator...
BREAKING: New York Times supports Nazis with Swastika crossword on first day of Chanukah
NEW YORK—The New York Times have officially come out in support of the National Socialist Nazi Party with a Swastika...
BREAKING: Sam Bankman-Fried has tragically died in a plane crash tomorrow
NEW YORK—In a shocking coincidence, Sam Bankman-Fried, the man who used stolen crypto funds to donate to Democratic Party candidates,...
BREAKING: Musk releases laptop with pics of him smoking crack, laundering cash & sex trafficking minors to ensure FBI won’t investigate him
US—In a brilliant pragmatic move, Tesla and Twitter CEO Elon Musk has released a laptop full of evidence of him...
BREAKING: Kamala Harris arrests Brittney Griner for marijuana possession after arriving in US
US—WNBA superstar Brittney Griner was excited to get back to protesting America after America freed her from a Russian prison...
BREAKING: Elon Musk offers to buy the FBI from the Clintons
US—Elon Musk has launched a $66 billion bid to buy the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI), saying the proposed deal...
Elon Musk sets new world record for not killing himself after revealing Deep State censorship
US—Last month Genesius Times, and News That Matters heralded Elon Musk's new world record for not killing himself after publicly...
Democrats pass law making home invaders announce they are burglars before robbing you
US—Democrats struggling to shake the "light on crime" stigma have passed a sweeping crime reform bill. The new bill, which...
BREAKING: CIA flubs pathetic assassination attempt on Biden
US—The CIA are getting very rusty. Their pathetic assassination attempt to take out President* Biden ended with five burnt SUVs...
