Democrats pass law making home invaders announce they are burglars before robbing you
US—Democrats struggling to shake the "light on crime" stigma have passed a sweeping crime reform bill. The new bill, which...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: CIA flubs pathetic assassination attempt on Biden
US—The CIA are getting very rusty. Their pathetic assassination attempt to take out President* Biden ended with five burnt SUVs...
Child Abuse Hotline volunteer shocked when Joe Biden tried to ‘place an order’
WASHINGTON, DC—A volunteer for the local Child Abuse Hotline service was shocked when she received a call from President* Joe...
BREAKING: Biden admits Trump won in 2020 to prevent him from running again in 2024
US—President Trump declared his intention to run for president again this week, yet the Democrats and Biden may have one...
BREAKING: California launches guaranteed income program for all human turds in the state
California has launched a guaranteed income program for the state's human turd residents to help with financial insecurity. Governor Gavin Newsom...
World stunned to hear a US president form complete sentences for the first time in years
MAR-A-LAGO--Viewers around the world were shocked and stunned to hear a president make coherent points and form complete sentences for...
BREAKING: White House denies that denying election wins by election deniers is election denial
WASHINGTON, DC—White House Press Secretary Karen Jean-Pierre said that the Biden administration denies that denying election victories of election deniers...
BREAKING: Officials may need weeks after election to determine how much they need to cheat
US—Results for the highly anticipated midterm elections may not come for days, or weeks, after voting concludes — and that's not a...
BREAKING: Thousands of liberals hospitalized with severe exposure to free speech on Twitter
US—Hospitals across the country have recently been inundated with patients who have been exposed to a new threatening exposure to...
To atone for Kyrie Irving’s antisemitism, the NBA mandates each team start at least 1 Jewish player
US—The National Basketball Association is reeling after star player Kyrie Irving posted a link to an antisemitic video. To make...
