In major policy win, Biden admin offers $30 million in grants to unload Hunter’s crack pipes
WASHNGTON, DC—In a flagship grant program, titled ”Pipes with the Bidens,” the flailing administration has advanced their most ingenious piece...
Newsbeat
Zucker lands role in live-action Mx. Potato Head film after being fired from CNN
ATLANTA—Jeff Zucker has already landed on his feet. The embattled ex-President of CNN has won a starring role in the...
BREAKING: China unveils new deadlier Dancing Panda virus at Olympic opening ceremonies
BEIJING—As promised, the new killer Chinese virus was ready for the 2022 Olympics opening ceremony, exposing everyone in attendance. Reviews...
Elite Rogan’s Rangers deployed to Ukraine armed only with deadly interviews
KYIV, UKRAINE—The elite unit Rogen’s Rangers was deployed by the Biden Pentagon in the middle of the night to the...
BREAKING: Canadian trucker protesters kill and burn innocent dogs in Ottawa
(CNN) OTTAWA—The racist trucker protests in the Canadian capital have turned violent as several participants killed and burned innocent dogs...
BREAKING: Racist Canadian trucker protests turn violent with burning, looting, and killing
OTTAWA—The Racists in the Canadian trucker protest in Ottawa turned violent today, burning cars and looting stores, according to sources...
Omar offers condolences to friends and family of ISIS leader killed in raid
WASHINGTON, DC—Islamic State (ISIS) leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi was killed in an overnight U.S. military raid in Syria, President*...
POLL: Who should Biden nominate to replace Jeff Zucker as CNN CEO?
The state-run Communist News Network is losing its CEO Jeff Zucker following sex abuse allegations typical for the company. So,...
China reassures world that new virus will be ready in time for the Olympics
BEIJING—The Chinese Olympic committee said today that people shouldn’t worry, they will absolutely have a new virus ready by the...
Justin Trudeau came out of his hole and saw his shadow so will spend another 6 weeks in quarantine
OTTAWA, CANADA—As is the new custom for Groundhog Day, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau poked his head out of the hole...
