BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: FBI arrest person of interest in 4th of July shooting at Highland Park
CHICAGO—Federal authorities have identified a person of interest in the Highland Park, Illinois, 4th of July parade shooting as 89-year-old Gertrude...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Dems file articles of impeachment against US Founding Fathers for inciting insurrection
WASHINGTON, DC—Flanked by House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, House Intelligence Committee Chairman Adam Schiff and a number of other top Democrats...
BREAKING: Biden cancels 4th of July for being transphobic
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has canceled the Fourth of July national holiday for being transphobic. "Since there were only CIS-gendered...
BREAKING: January 6 Commission to charge US Founding Fathers with ‘insurrection’; return colonies to Britain
WASHINGTON, DC—The esteemed House select committee announced it would hold a surprise hearing on July 4 to present new evidence that recently...
Zelenskyy to star in ‘Friends’ remake with all his new friends
KYIV—The actor-turned-president of Ukraine Volodomy Zelenskyy is on fire! After securing billions of dollars in his money laundering scheme from...
BREAKING: Jackson makes history as first Supreme Court justice to not know what a woman is
WASHINGTON, DC—Justice Ketanji Brown Jackson officially joined the Supreme Court on Thursday, making history as the first justice to not know what a woman...
BREAKING: 6 more women have come forward alleging that Trump tried to grab their steering wheels on January 6th
WASHINGTON, DC—Following the devastating testimony of Cassidy Hutchinson to the January 6 Commission, six more women have come forward alleging...
BREAKING: NASA discovers evidence of ancient, microbial racism on Mars
WASHINGTON, DC—NASA’s Curiosity rover has uncovered ancient deposits of microbial racism on the Red Planet, opening up the possibility of...
BREAKING: Ghislaine Maxwell sentenced to 20 years for sex trafficking minors to nobody
US—British socialite turned-CIA informant turned-convicted sex-trafficker Ghislaine Maxwell finally got her due Tuesday when she was sentenced to 20 years in prison...
