Donald Trump picks Elizabeth Warren to head Bureau of Indian Affairs 
Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus 
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
DoD quietly adds new DEFCON levels for Biden food cravings, poopy pants
WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has notified media outlets that the Department of Defense has added...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Penn’s trans swimmer complains of ball-crushing swimsuit in loss to Yale’s trans swimmer
NEW HAVEN, CT—The University of Pennsylvania transwoman swimmer Lia Thomas complained of her swimsuit crushing her lady balls in her...
‘There is no mass formation psychosis’ says the people perpetrating mass formation psychosis
US—There is no evidence of mass formation psychosis according to the people perpetrating mass formation psychosis. Mass formation psychosis, according...
Justice Sotomayor ‘pretty sure’ Omicron has killed every American already
WASHINGTON, DC—Arguable the most intelligent Supreme Court Justice if not most intelligent person in the world, Sonia Sotomayor was disappointed...
NY 911 switchboards swamped with Betty White sightings
NEW YORK—Authorities are recommending to keep a safe distance if you see someone you think is Betty White. Spokesperson for...
Gov. Newsom named U-Haul’s #1 salesman of 2021
SACRAMENTO—California Governor Gavin Newsom is racking up the awards. For the first time this year, Newsom has been named U-Haul’s number...
AOC: ‘Insurrectionists are just mad they can’t date me’
Did you know that all those frustrated insurrectionists are just mad they can't date me? It's true. That's why I've...
BREAKING: AOC says she was ‘nearly murdered’ in Kazakhstan insurrection
WASHINGTON, DC--Almost a year after the War of January 6th to the date, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez has issued a...
Pope Francis now requiring ‘booster baptisms’ for Catholics to be considered fully baptized
VATICAN—Pope Francis has proclaimed that all Catholics worldwide will now need a booster baptism to be considered fully baptized. "We...
Local man claims he knows who Trump’s vice president was
CHEESECURD, WI—Some people say it was a guy named Cheney... others swear Trump never had one, however longtime Madison, Wisconsin...
