Nick Saban urges Senate to save college football by returning to paying players under the table 
Trump Confirms Reflecting Pool Filled With 100% Ethically-Sourced Liberal Tears 
BREAKING: Trump’s Refurbished Reflecting Pool Mysteriously Reflects Only His Face 
BREAKING: Becerra Rockets to Top of California Gubernatorial Polls After Debuting Nazi Tattoo 
California Vows To Keep Counting Votes Until Pratt & Hilton Are Eliminated 
BREAKING: Nord Stream pipeline has information that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton
BERLIN—The Nord Steam pipeline, widely known to have colluded with Russia, has reportedly overhead important information that certainly will lead...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
CNN: How Trump’s white supremacy caused Hurricane Ian
Hurricane Ian is the most racist hurricane in recent memory and, according to documents discovered during the FBI raid of...
Adam Levine accused of sending flirtatious messages to Canadian trans shop teacher
Adam Levine is being accused of sending flirtatious messages via Instagram to the Canadian trans shop teacher with enormous prosthetic...
Stacey Abrams: ‘Fetal heartbeats don’t exist until they’re implanted by aliens right before birth’
ATLANTA—Democratic Georgia gubernatorial candidate Stacey Abrams said “there is no such thing as a heartbeat at six weeks” during an...
Biden says all migrant children sent to his home in Delaware will be met with open arms in his shower
SHADY ACRES, DE—President* Joe Biden said that all migrant children who are sent to his home in Delaware will be...
Texas Sheriff opens investigation into FL Gov for sending people to a welcoming island resort
Bexar County, Texas Sheriff Javier Salazar announces criminal investigation into Fla. Gov. DeSantis’ migrant flight to a beautiful island resort—Martha’s...
Martha’s Vineyard erects statue commemorating when they hosted illegal immigrants for 24 hours
MARTHA'S VINEYARD—City councils across Martha's Vineyard have erected a statue commemorating the time when they hosted 50 illegal immigrants for...
BREAKING: Martha’s Vineyard finishes ‘welcoming’ border wall to keep immigrants out
MARTHA'S VINEYARD, MA—Martha's Vineyard has erected a border wall around the perimeter of the island to keep all the illegal...
Biden introduces new #PandemicIsOver face masks grade schoolers will be forced to wear this year
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has introduced a new #PandemicIsOver face mask that pre-K, kindergarten, and grade schoolers will be forced...