BREAKING: Pete Hegseth storms Senate Armed Forces Hearing; claims Capitol for Jesus Christ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth opens senate confirmation hearing by calling Adam Schiff ‘so ugly even Epstein wouldn’t bring him to his island’ 
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name 
AOC horrified that people are using gas-powered blowtorches instead of solar-powered one to start wildfires in California 
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
Biden says he will probably vote for ‘this Brandon guy’ next election
US—Following a recent surge in popularity of a dark horse presidential candidate "Brandon", even sitting President* Joe Biden says that...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
New hack for managers to get around pesky sexual harassment laws
US—If you're a pervy middle manager in a Fortune 500 company, you're in luck! Thanks to President* Biden's new vaccine...
BREAKING: Biden to replace unvaxxed soldiers with army of Rachel Levine clones
WASHINGTON, DC—Facing pressure from an increasingly hostile and militaristic China, President* Biden has approved a program to replace all military...
Obamas release old photographs of pregnant Michelle
After years of speculation surrounding Malia and Sasha Obama's biological maternity, photos of a pregnant Michelle Obama surfaced, firmly putting...
CDC recommends 4th booster shot for those who haven’t died yet
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) is now recommending a fourth COVID vaccine booster shot for all of...
Shoppers already lining up for Black Friday deals outside of cargo ship off California coast
LOS ANGELES—Shoppers have already started lining up for this year's Black Friday deals at beaches across California. They have their...
BLM unsure what to loot with store shelves now empty
As the nation's retail stores find themselves in a supply chain crisis, Black Lives Matters chapters across the country find...
FDA agrees to use children in deadly experiments instead of dogs
WASHINGTON, DC—Following outrage about Dr. Anthony Fauci's use of beagles in horrible experiments, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has...
Democrats change 2022 campaign slogan to ‘Try to lower your expectations’
WASHINGTON, DC—For the first time ever, politicians are promising less during an election. The Democrats have changed their 2022 campaign...
CNN: Fauci’s dog torture experiments were mostly peaceful
(CNN) The Republicans are leading another witch hunt against Dr. Anthony Fauci, who conducted mostly peaceful dog torture experiments while...
