BREAKING: Catholic Cardinals Elect Joe Biden as Pope After Mysterious 3 AM Vote Surge 
BREAKING: Trump to rename San Andreas Fault to ‘Joe Biden’s Fault’ 
BREAKING: India bombs Pakistan after they refused to send their ‘bobs and vagene’ 
Massachusetts Judge Bans Trump from Being President, Cites ‘Orange Man Bad’ Doctrine 
BREAKING: Trump Ends US-Canada Trade War with Bold Swap: Seattle and Portland for Alberta, Saskatchewan, and Manitoba 
BREAKING: Supreme Court cancels itself after discovering ties to slavery
WASHINGTON, DC—Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Roberts announced that the Supreme Court of the United States is cancelling...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: FBI thoroughly investigating the source of Matt Gaetz’s perfect hair
WASHINGTON, DC--The Federal Bureau of Investigation has been working on a shocking case involving US Rep. Matt Gaetz (R-FL). The...
LeBron James literally oppresses me by making millions playing a game a white man invented
Can we talk about the fact that LeBron James is literally killing me by making millions of dollars playing a...
Texas publishes helpful map for Californians looking to move to the state
AUSTIN—The Texas Board of Californian Resettlement (TBCR) has published a helpful map for all the Californians seeking asylum in their...
REPORT: Dr. Fauci working on creating more viruses so he can stay relevant forever
WASHINGTON, DC—If there’s anyone in more dire need right now of staying relevant for as long as possible, it’s Dr....
To ensure equality, NBA will now end all games in 93-93 tie
LOS ANGELES—The National Basketball Association is putting its money where its social justice mouth is. To ensure equality in the...
Rabbis confirm wearing three masks will guarantee you a seat in the Garden of Eden
WORLD—Rabbis from around the world have signed onto a letter stating that wearing three masks will guarantee you a seat...
Study shows strong connection between wearing mask during athletics and not being able to breath
A new study was published recently showing a strong relationship between wearing a mask during athletics and not being able...
Pollster Frank Luntz, GOP House Leader Kevin McCarthy to marry at White House
The leadership of the Grand Ole Party continues to ignore the election success of conservatives like Donald Trump and Florida...
BREAKING: FBI unravels massive conspiracy among parents to send their children back to school again
UNITED STATES—The Washington Post published a disturbing report today, which revealed that parents have been conspiring with each other to...
