BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
Elon Musk needs to stop doing amazing things because it’s making us gender studies triple-doctorates feel worthless 
Trump declares state of emergency, nukes New York to prevent liberalism from spreading
The Trump Administration declared a public health emergency in New York state following an outbreak of liberalism that has infected...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
SURVEY: Millennials okay with migrant invasion if they bring lots of avocado toast
In a recent survey conducted by Genesius Research, the US population is conflicted over the migrant invasion with Baby Boomers...
Thousands of migrants risk it all to become systematically oppressed in the United States
A constant flow from Central American countries of migrants is heading for the United States, the home of the worst...
UK Police confiscate giant spork in zero-tolerance raid
UK police stationed in Northumberland celebrated after a zero-tolerance raid resulted in the confiscation of one giant green spork (spoon-fork)....
Pro-choice astronauts: ‘No sign of life here, just these growing human fetuses’
The first astronauts to reach Mars were disappointed to find absolutely no sign of life anywhere on the planet, though...
New Chicago Mayor to ‘focus on LGBT rights’ because they solved all that rape and murder stuff
Lori Lightfoot, Chicago's new openly gay mayor, has declared her priorities for her first term. She is going to be...
Biden offers free hugs, hair sniffs to women who donate to campaign
Kicking off his hands-on presidential campaign, former Vice President Joe Biden is making a personal offer to all women—no matter...
OPINION: Whites must stop having babies unless they’re IVF children for gay couples
Whites are all devils and need to stop having children, unless of course, those children are produced using in vitro...
Ardern: ‘Government failed to protect you so now we want you to fail to protect yourself’
When a terrorist massacred 50 people at two New Zealand mosques, Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern immediately grasped the nettle. “I...
Beto discusses what it was like growing up as Napoleon Dynamite
You probably recognized the shooting political star Beto O'Rourke, but you might not be sure from what. In fact, Robert...
