Biden mandates shoving marbles up everyone’s asses after tweet by Nicki Minaj
WASHINGTON, DC--President* Biden has issued a rare edict mandating that all Americans have marbles shoved up their asses to fight...
Joe Biden
BREAKING: Biden mandates proof of vaccination or proof you’re an illegal alien to keep working
WASHINGTON, DC—He tried encouraging. He tried cajoling. He tried dangling gifts and all manner of incentives. But eight months into...
Feds working to restore power to Ida victims so they can get back to spying on them
NEW ORLEANS--Federal agents are working feverishly to restore power the victims of Hurricane Ida in Louisiana, New Jersey, and New...
Biden mandates a forehead tattoo of ‘build back better’ as national vaccine passport
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden announced today that he will be mandating a national vaccine passport in order for people to...
BREAKING: Biden surrenders to Nazi Germany too
WASHINGTON, DC—After a successful withdrawal and surrender to Taliban forces in Afghanistan, US President* Joe Biden has unilaterally decided to...
Biden orders all rainbow flags flown at half-staff after Taliban cancels UN queer theory classes
WASHINGTON, DC—Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley was appalled to hear that the Taliban cancelled all...
Biden assures Americans trapped in Afghanistan he won’t send any mean tweets
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden finally promised the 10-15,000 Americans still trapped in Afghanistan that they don't need to worry about...
Missing Joe Biden will now be featured on milk cartons
US—Milk carton manufacturers will be featuring a picture of President* Joe Biden on their packaging in an effort to find...
CNN: Q Anon has overtaken Kabul
KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—The Q Anon Shaman was seen in pictures taken at the Afghanistan Presidential Palace after he and other white...
BREAKING: Biden rolls out new neck seatbelt mandate
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden announced today a new national mandate for neck seatbelts in all cars for all ages. The...
