7 ways to avoid getting shot by police
Have you ever thought about the possibility of getting shot by the police? Like ever? Well, we want to help...
BLM
NBA replaces basketball with ‘ball of knives’ in honor of Ma’Khia Bryant
LOS ANGELES—Communist China puppet activist and occasional basketball star LeBron James has created a new way in standing in solidarity...
BREAKING: Thin Blue Line supporters loot Walmart after Derek Chauvin conviction
MINNEAPOLIS–Racist supporters Thin Blue Line supporters descended on a local Walmart to loot, pillage, and "burn the motherf****r down" in protest...
UPS commits to burning half of your packages if Derek Chauvin is acquitted
ATLANTA—UPS has increased the stakes in the woke corporation olympics. The package "delivery" service has committed to burning half of...
Minnesota 2021 spring Riot Season set to open this week
MINNEAPOLIS—Minnesota's 2021 spring Riot Season is set to open in most areas of the state this week. Looters and rioters...
The Genesius Times Official BLM Protesting How-to Guide
As last year's Nike's go out of style, it's time to replace them with riot protest season upon us. Genesius...
Mayor reminds citizens to wear BLM gear when burning city so the FBI won’t investigate
PORTLAND, OR—City officials urged that rioters proudly display their Black Lives Matter gear while burning the city down in protest...
Walmart opens new riot section in all of its stores
UNITED STATES—Walmart CEO Dan McMillon announced today that Walmart will have a special rioting section in all of its stores....
MLB changes name to Baseball League Matters in response to protest
ATLANTA—Major League Baseball (MLB) has changed its name to Baseball League Matters (BLM) in response to the protest of its...
George Floyd Celebrates 300 Days of Sobriety
MINNEAPOLIS, MN—George Floyd, Patron Saint in the Church of Woke, celebrates 300 consecutive drug-free days today. Mr. Floyd famously quit...
