Biden Reveals He’s ‘Lack Toast and Tolerant’
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden revealed today that he only drinks lactaid milk because he’s “lack toast and tolerant.” “I’m lack toast...
Rafi Metz
Rafi is the king of satire, a master of his trade. Nobody is immune to his hyperbolic and satirical outrage. Nobody is spared from being the object of his incessant mockery. Because at the end of the day, everyone is a parody of themselves.
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Here Are All the Crimes Donald Trump is Being Indicted For
UNITED STATES—Following his indictment, former President Trump has pleaded not guilty to 34 felony counts in New York. Curious as...
FBI to Rename Itself ‘Federal Bureau of Intimidation’ to Better Reflect Its Mission
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI announced that a century after its founding in 1908, it’s changing its name. The official new name...
BREAKING: Following Several Violations, Constitution in Critical Condition, Sent to Hospital for Emergency Care
DAILY CALLER—The Secret Service confirmed today that the Constitution of the United States was sent to the hospital and is...
BREAKING: President Biden Accidentally Locks Himself in Oval Office, Can’t Find Key
WASHINGTON, DC—CNN reports that President Biden accidentally locked himself in the Oval Office and couldn’t remember where he put the...
BREAKING: President Biden Sells White House for $400 Million to Fund War in Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has officially sold the White House for $400 million to continue funding the war in Ukraine. DC...
U.S. Military Almost Shoots Down Something from the Sky…Oh Wait, It’s Just a Plane with 500 Passengers On Board
UNITED STATES—The U.S. Military averted what might have been one of the worst aviation disasters in American history. After the...
Top Predictions for this Year’s Super Bowl
Today is Super Bowl LVII, whatever those numbers mean. I have no clue and neither do you, so stop pretending...
BREAKING: President Biden Utters First Fully Coherent Sentence of His Presidency
UNITED STATES—President Biden broke a record today after uttering his first fully coherent sentence of his presidency. The sentence? “Why...
Here Are All of the Items Found in that Chinese Spy Balloon Shot Down by the U.S. Military
UNITED STATES—This past week a spy balloon belonging to the Communist Party of China (CCP) was shot down off the...
