After scary heart surgery, Bernie decides he’s the candidate without a brain
If I only had a brain, Bernie Sanders’s campaign aides are reporting, has been on the lips of the octogenarian...
Newsbeat
BREAKING: Obama, Clintons revealed to be white supremacists
As everyone is aware, the "okay" hand gesture is a longtime white supremacist symbol, and everyone using it is basically...
#BelieveSurvivors protestors disbelieve man who survived socialism
A young Russian man was ousted from the bi-weekly Women’s March in Washington D.C. yesterday while displaying a sign with...
Gun manufacturer changes name of AR-15 to MS-13 to get support of Democrats
Colt, the manufacturer of the AR-15 has announced that it is changing the name of the rifle to "MS-13" in...
New England Patriots: ‘Sex crimes are only bad when players do it’
Did you hear the one about the billionaire owner of an elite NFL franchise getting happy endings in unlicensed massage...
BREAKING: Several Democratic frontrunners being paid by GOP to look utterly insane
Genesius Times has uncovered documents proving that several front runners for the 2020 Democratic Presidential Nomination are actually on the...
Local abortionist laughs at recent mass shooter’s ‘rookie numbers’
Stanley Alberts, the #1 abortionist at the Columbus, Ohio Women’s Clinic has some advice for the most recent mass shooters....
Beto O’Rourke named prestigious AR-15 Salesman of the Year
Democratic presidential hopeful Robert "Beto" O'Rourke was just named the prestigious Armalite AR-15 salesman of the year, an honor that...
BREAKING: All Democratic candidates arrested for bribing voters with stolen money
All official Democratic candidates for president in the 2020 election have been arrested for trying to bribe voters with stolen...
