BREAKING: Sarah Fuller wins the Heisman Trophy for ‘kicking off with a vagina’
The NCAA Heisman committee has awarded the prestigious college football award to Sarah Fuller for "kicking off with a vagina."...
Sports
Nike launches Antifa Spirit Urban Gear just in time for Black Friday
BEAVERTON, OR--Athletic equipment maker Nike has launched its Antifa Spirit Gear just in time for Black Friday. Nike spokesperson, William...
CNN creates list of NFL teams who have not ‘acknowledged the Eagles are Superbowl LV Champions’
Yesterday, Brianna Keilar, the host of CNN's "Right Now" put up a list of NFL teams who have not publicly,...
Fox declares Philadelphia Eagles Superbowl LV champions
TAMPA, FL—With nearly three months to go before Superbowl LV, Fox News has declared the Philadelphia Eagles the winners. The...
Libertarians hold battle royale to determine who is a real libertarian
HOUSTON—Following decades of debate among libertarians as to what constitutes a "real libertarian,' top party members gathered in Houston for...
LeBron James sets all-time NBA record for virtue signaling
LOS ANGELES--LeBron “King” James set a new NBA record last night, specifically a quadruple double. You read that right, in...
NFL plays anthem for every ethnicity on Earth before first game to promote unity
In response to the increased racial tension in America, the NFL opened its first game with the white national anthem,...
LeBron James organizes march for the 260,000 innocent black lives lost through abortion every year
LOS ANGELES—LeBron James, NBA star forward for the Los Angeles Lakers and vocal civil rights activists, has organized a march...
NBA players join Paralympics after shooting themselves in the foot
Long Live the NBA. Oh wait, the NBA no longer exists. What? Yep. After poking most of their fans right...
BREAKING: Millionaires refuse to play with bouncy ball to protest inequality
MILWAULKEE—Several grown men have refused to play with bouncy balls for millions of dollars to protest inequality. "There is serious...
