Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus 
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
Elite Rogan’s Rangers deployed to Ukraine armed only with deadly interviews
KYIV, UKRAINE—The elite unit Rogen’s Rangers was deployed by the Biden Pentagon in the middle of the night to the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Canadian trucker protesters kill and burn innocent dogs in Ottawa
(CNN) OTTAWA—The racist trucker protests in the Canadian capital have turned violent as several participants killed and burned innocent dogs...
BREAKING: Ghost of Colin Powell says Russia is hiding Iraq’s weapons of mass destruction in Ukraine
WASHINGTON, DC—In an effort to increase generate support for a war against Russia, the Biden* administration summoned the ghost of...
BREAKING: Racist Canadian trucker protests turn violent with burning, looting, and killing
OTTAWA—The Racists in the Canadian trucker protest in Ottawa turned violent today, burning cars and looting stores, according to sources...
Omar offers condolences to friends and family of ISIS leader killed in raid
WASHINGTON, DC—Islamic State (ISIS) leader Abu Ibrahim al-Hashimi al-Qurayshi was killed in an overnight U.S. military raid in Syria, President*...
Bidens welcome dog gifted from President Xi
WASHINGTON, DC—The Bidens introduced the newest resident of The White House: a dog gifted to the First Family by President...
BREAKING: Milli Vanilli announce they are pulling someone else’s music from Spotify
HOLLYWOOD—Following the Joe Rogan controversy, the popular band Milli Vanilli have announced that they are pulling someone else's music from...
POLL: Who should Biden nominate to replace Jeff Zucker as CNN CEO?
The state-run Communist News Network is losing its CEO Jeff Zucker following sex abuse allegations typical for the company. So,...
China reassures world that new virus will be ready in time for the Olympics
BEIJING—The Chinese Olympic committee said today that people shouldn’t worry, they will absolutely have a new virus ready by the...
Justin Trudeau came out of his hole and saw his shadow so will spend another 6 weeks in quarantine
OTTAWA, CANADA—As is the new custom for Groundhog Day, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau poked his head out of the hole...
