BREAKING: Pete Hegseth storms Senate Armed Forces Hearing; claims Capitol for Jesus Christ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth opens senate confirmation hearing by calling Adam Schiff ‘so ugly even Epstein wouldn’t bring him to his island’ 
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name 
AOC horrified that people are using gas-powered blowtorches instead of solar-powered one to start wildfires in California 
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
MasterClass announces new offering: Alec Baldwin Teaches Gun Safety
HOLLYWOOD—MasterClass always chooses the best people for their classes. Like when they chose Paul Krugman to teach economics. That was...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Crazed white supremacist kills 1 in movie set mass shooting
NEW MEXICO—A crazed white supremacist—Alec Baldwin—has killed one and injured another in a mass shooting on the set of the...
How many people have to die before we enact common sense Alec Baldwin control?
When our great President Joe Biden said that white supremacy is the number one problem facing America, he wasn't joking....
CNN: Biden expertly steers car during Presidential Townhall
(CNN) The most popular president in the history of the world expertly steered a car during the Presidential Townhall last...
BREAKING: Brandon surges to the lead in the 2024 presidential poll
US—A poll conducted by the Pew Pew Center shows that some guy named Brandon has surged to the lead in...
BREAKING: Biden adds Pfizer to US flag, Pledge of Allegiance
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden yesterday announced that he is adding Pfizer to the official US flag and the Pledge of Allegiance...
Bill Gates to constantly stroke a white cat to solidify his role as global supervillain
REDMOND, WA—Renowned tech and biotech mogul Bill Gates has decided he will carry around a white cat and stroke it...
BREAKING: COVID-19 has died after infecting Chuck Norris at age 81
DALLAS—COVID-19, the novel coronavirus, which has wrecked havoc across the globe, has been declared dead after infecting Chuck Norris. "We...
Colin Powell dies from COVID-19 shortly after dying from cancer
WASHINGTON, DC—Colin Powell, who served Democratic and Republican presidents in war and peace but whose sterling reputation was forever stained...
BREAKING: Colin Powell to expose Clinton Foundation fraud tomorrow
WASHINGTON, DC—While former Secretary of State Colin Powell said he voted for Clinton in 2020, he has since learned of...
