Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus 
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: Authorities have identified a good communist in Washington
LACEY, WA—Authorities have identified a good communist in Washington early today. The man, "100% Antifa" Michael Forest Reinoehl, 48, was...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Pelosi calls salon visit a ‘set up’ to make her look bad
SAN FRANCISCO—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi says her recent visit to a San Francisco hair salon, in which she received styling...
CDC predicts emergence of several deadly viruses if Trump wins
ATLANTA—COVID-19 season is winding up, no it's winding down, no the cases are skyrocketing but the hospitals are empty. The...
Pelosi explains she was ‘just looking for the bar’ while at the salon without a face mask
SAN FRANCISCO—House Speaker Nancy Pelosi claims that she was "just looking for the bar" when she wasn't wearing a face...
LeBron James organizes march for the 260,000 innocent black lives lost through abortion every year
LOS ANGELES—LeBron James, NBA star forward for the Los Angeles Lakers and vocal civil rights activists, has organized a march...
STUDY: Face masks that completely prevent you from breathing are the most effective against COVID
There are now so many ways to prevent COVID-19 from spreading it's a wonder we hear about it any more....
Disney launches porn platform with only former Disney child actors
ALTA VISTA, FL—Inspired by Bella Thorne's hugely profitable OnlyFans account, Disney corporation hopes to capitalize on the utter degenerates that...
BREAKING: Biden threatens more violence from his supporters if he’s not elected
PITTSBURGH—Joe Biden came out of hiding today to launch a new campaign strategy amid falling poll numbers, threatening more violence...
Portland Mayor takes full responsibility for blaming Trump for the problems in his city
PORTLAND, OR—Mayor Ted Wheeler minced no words as he took full responsibility for blaming other people for the problems in...
NBA players join Paralympics after shooting themselves in the foot
Long Live the NBA. Oh wait, the NBA no longer exists. What? Yep. After poking most of their fans right...
