‘Trump Can’t Buy Me for $5,000,’ Says Local Man Who Got Experimental Jab for a Free Donut 
AOC Asks How 9/11 Victims ‘Died in Alphabetical Order’ During Memorial Reading 
Yes, Black Lives Matter… Unless They Disagree with Liberals 
9/11 Drone Show to Recreate Perfectly Intact Hijacker Passport Escaping Fiery Inferno 
NCAA Rules Michigan May Keep Playing Until They Win 
Biden signs executive order banning all viruses and diseases on Earth
WASHINGTON, DC—In what many are hailing as nothing short of a miracle, President Biden signed an executive order today banning...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
AOC orders her steaks medium because large steaks aren’t eco-friendly
BROOKLYN—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) does not mess around when she goes out to eat. She is fully masked and she...
Biden ends all racism by renaming The White House ‘Privileged House’
WASHINGTON, DC—The Harris-Biden-Pelosi administration has officially renamed the obviously racist White House "Privileged House" following a national poll. “Yes, it’s...
Cuomo says he was too busy killing 15,000 seniors to do anything bad like sexually harass someone
ALBANY, NY—Governor Andrew Cuomo has offered a unique defense against the myriad sexual assault allegations that have been raised against...
Congress passes law requiring all bills to be at least 10,000 pages long
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress passed a law today requiring that all future bills be at least 10,000 pages long. “We want all...
Biden calls up National Guard to protect against the growing threat of Dr. Seuss
WASHINGTON, DC—President Biden has called up the National Guard to protect the entire country against the vicious new threat of...
The Genesius Times Guide to Cancel Culture
We’ve all heard of cancel culture, but what is it and who does it effect? Will you or I be...
Biden gets largest crowd ever at border rally
(CNN) President Joe Biden must be getting really popular. Everyone must love his long list of executive orders and new...
BREAKING: Texas declares each Californian 3/5th of a person
AUSTIN, TX—Texas Gov. Gregg Abbott signed an executive order today declaring Californians in his state three-fifths of a person. “I...
Woman with ‘My Body My Choice’ shirt freaks out about Texas ending mask mandate
AUSTIN—A woman with a “My Body My Choice” shirt has been stationed at the Texas governor's mansion screaming at Governor...
