Jaguar introduces new car to match its new ad campaign 
BREAKING: I was raped by whoever Trump selects for one of his cabinet positions 
BREAKING: Elon Musk buys MSNBC to constantly air video of Alex Jones giving Morning Joe and Mika noogies 
CNN: Startled by Loud Noises, President Kennedy Trips and Falls in Limousine 
This Day In Mostly-Peaceful History: President Kennedy Goes Scenic Ride through Dallas 
BREAKING: Popeyes goes 24 hours without a brawl or shooting
In what some are calling a miracle, the fast food chain Popeyes has made it 24 hours without a brawl...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
San Francisco mandates wall-size murals of Greta Thunberg in every apartment
The San Francisco City Council has approved a measure to mandate a wall-sized mural of teen climate activist Greta Thunberg...
Millennial stunned he didn’t get a job after replying “OK Boomer” to every interview question
Local Millennial Braiden Stone was stunned he didn't get a job for a prominent tech firm in the area after...
Schiff schedules the next 5 years of Trump impeachment hearings
"This president, he’s like a planetary object,” Representative Adam Schiff said. “He warps time. And things that you think happened...
BREAKING: Jeffrey Epstein confesses to killing himself in 2019, quashing conspiracy theories
Disgraced financier Jeffrey Epstein has confessed to killing himself in a New York jail, quashing months of Internet skepticism and...
Newly-elected Democratic legislature plans to rename ‘slut-shaming’ Virginia state name
Democrats will have control of the state house and state senate thanks to the results of the Tuesday November 5th elections,...
Uber investors predict massive losses to lift stock price
Investor Fred Smith was dismayed to discover that the fact Uber has never turned a profit and is unlikely ever...
Leonardo DiCaprio points out all the suckers to Greta Thunberg from his private jet
Teen climate activist phenom Greta Thunberg recently made friends with actor and jet-setter Leonardo DiCaprio. They took a hike, at...
Local parents arrested for giving 13-year-old child beer while celebrating her chemical castration
A local couple is in jail for giving their transgender daughter beer during a celebration of her getting life-threatening hormone...
President Trump awards Beto his participation trophy
In an awkward ceremony at the White House, President Trump awarded Robert "Beto" O'Rourke his participation trophy for the 2020...
