Here’s your guide to an uber-woke Passover
Jews have been celebrating the Passover holiday for thousands of years since the Egyptian Exodus, and not much has changed...
World
Biden blames fall on wind from Putin blowing him a kiss from Russia
WASHINGTON, DC—President Joe Biden blamed his fall while climbing Air Force One's stairs on Russian President Vladimir Putin blowing him...
Biden tells migrants ‘don’t come over’ while he hands out gift bags at the border
BIG BEND, TX–President Joe Biden said in an exclusive interview with Genesius Times's George Snuffalufagus on Tuesday that his message...
BREAKING: Concentration camps are good now
WASHINGTON, DC—A common refrain among democrats during the Trump administration was that the government’s migrant facilities were literal ‘concentration camps’,...
Brave activists exterminate last ‘problematic’ white rhinos
KENYA—The northern white rhinoceros became the latest victim of woke cancel culture when brave American activists killed the last two...
Biden approval rating surges after he’s replaced with a cardboard cutout of himself
US—President Biden's approval rating has surged after he was replaced with a cardboard cutout of himself yesterday. The move came...
Disney releases first oppressed princess Meghan doll
VISTA DEL MAL, CA—Disney has released the first oppressed princess Meghan doll—a new line of toys marketed to young girls....
Biden signs executive order banning all viruses and diseases on Earth
WASHINGTON, DC—In what many are hailing as nothing short of a miracle, President Biden signed an executive order today banning...
AOC orders her steaks medium because large steaks aren’t eco-friendly
BROOKLYN—Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) does not mess around when she goes out to eat. She is fully masked and she...
Congress passes law requiring all bills to be at least 10,000 pages long
WASHINGTON, DC—Congress passed a law today requiring that all future bills be at least 10,000 pages long. “We want all...
