BREAKING: Pete Hegseth storms Senate Armed Forces Hearing; claims Capitol for Jesus Christ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth opens senate confirmation hearing by calling Adam Schiff ‘so ugly even Epstein wouldn’t bring him to his island’ 
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name 
AOC horrified that people are using gas-powered blowtorches instead of solar-powered one to start wildfires in California 
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
BREAKING: Travel bans aren’t racist anymore
WASHINGTON, DC—Officials have declared that it is no longer racist to restrict travel from Africa after President* Joe Biden restricted...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
NBC to air new special: ‘Trannie Live!’ in December
NEW YORK—NBC has revealed the full cast for the upcoming television event Trannie Live!, set to air December 2 at 8...
Walmart opens new ‘Loot!’ section in all of its San Francisco-area stores
UNITED STATES—Walmart CEO Dan McMillon announced today that Walmart will have a special looting section in all of its San...
FBI drops terrorism case on Waukesha killer after learning he never protested a school board
WASHINGTON, DC—The Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) has dropped its domestic terrorism case against the Waukesha Christmas parade killer after...
Amid inflation surge, Wheel of Fortune forced to raise price of vowels
Inflation has been hitting virtually every major sector of the economy – from gas at the pump, to food, to...
Biden blames white supremacy for black man mowing down Waukesha whites
WAUKESHA, WI—President* Joe Biden has blamed white supremacy for an incident in which a black man mowed down dozens of...
CNN: Austere musician mostly peacefully plows down 5 in Christmas parade
(CNN) At least five people have mostly peacefully died and 40 are injured after an austere musician plowed into a...
How to Get Over Hesitance of Giving Your Kids Deadly Drugs to Prevent Diseases that Don’t Harm them
We at Genesius Times care about your health. But we care about our bottom line more. That's why we're offering...
BREAKING: Prosecutor Binger crowned Miss Trial 2021
KENOSHA, WI—Prosecutor Thomas Binger was crowned Miss Trial of 2021 and will be given the rest of his career off...
BLM looking forward to some early Black Friday looting following Rittenhouse acquittal
KENOSHA, WI—Black Lives Matter activists across the country are looking forward to some early Black Friday looting once Kyle Rittenhouse...
