BREAKING: Pete Hegseth storms Senate Armed Forces Hearing; claims Capitol for Jesus Christ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth opens senate confirmation hearing by calling Adam Schiff ‘so ugly even Epstein wouldn’t bring him to his island’ 
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name 
AOC horrified that people are using gas-powered blowtorches instead of solar-powered one to start wildfires in California 
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
NFL relieved that no racist or sexual ‘trash talk’ has ever been used by players
Following revelations of inappropriate remarks in emails by former Raiders' coach Jon Gruden, the NFL has conducted an investigation into...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Virginia legalizes rapes by men who wear skirts
RICHMOND, VA—Governor Ralph Northam signed the most progressive sexual assault bill in the country today as Virginia legalized rapes for...
Tips to Run a Successful Business Without a College Degree
Are you interested in starting your own business? You might think that you will have a more challenging time if...
California law mandates stores carry ‘My Little Communist’ action figures
SACREMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom signed into law a mandate that requires all stores sell a gender-neutral "My Little Communist" action...
CNN: Biden draws huge boat parade off California coast
(CNN) LOS ANGELES—While there wasn't much support for President* Joe Biden during his campaign, the first Alzheimer's patient in the...
Southwest hires thousands of inflatable autopilots to replace unvaxxed employees
DALLAS—Southwest Airlines CEO Gary Kelly said that there was no issue with the company mandating vaccinations and that they were...
BREAKING: Biden bans assault breathing; mandates holding breath while in public
WASHINGTON, DC—In the ongoing fight against the deadliest disease ever, President* Joe Biden has outlawed assault breathing and mandated that...
BREAKING: Jon Gruden identifies as Hunter Biden so media will ignore his emails
LAS VEGAS—Jon Gruden has identified as President* Biden's son Hunter Biden so that the media will ignore his offensive emails,...
Anti-mask student released from jail after promising to become a school shooter instead
LARAMIE, WY—An anti-mask Laramie high school student, Grace Smith, was arrested for trespassing after daring to come to school without...
Southwest cancels 1000s of flights, blames Jupiter’s Giant Red Spot overtaking US
DALLAS—Southwest Airlines canceled hundreds more flights Monday after the airline was forced to ground nearly 2,000 flights over the weekend, blaming...
