BREAKING: NYPD Chief Turns into Zombie Following Bite From Democrat Councilwoman at Protest 
Fetuses identifying as MS-13 gang members to get Democrats to start fighting for their rights 
BREAKING: Pope Francis dies happy after meeting with JD Vance 
BREAKING: Trump agrees to transfer illegal gang members to the houses of Supreme Court judges who say he can’t deport them 
Democrats: It was okay for Kilmar Garcia to beat his wife because ‘she obviously wasn’t listening’ 
BREAKING: Omicron surpasses Alec Baldwin in leading causes of death in US
US—The Center for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) reported today that the COVID Omicron variant has surpassed Alec Baldwin in...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Devil sues Catholic Church for defamation claiming ‘Enough is enough’
VATICAN—Lawyers for the Devil have filed a 500 billion € lawsuit against the Catholic Church for defamation of character, restriction...
Fauci now recommends face masks over your eyes so you can’t read his leaked emails
WASHINGTON, DC—A treasure trove of emails from National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID) Director Dr. Anthony Fauci’s were...
Fauci releases new book: ‘Everything I Don’t Like is Medical Misinformation’
WASHINGTON, DC—It seemed that Dr. Anthony Fauci was on the ropes in the latest exchange between Dr. Rand Paul and...
French PM Macron face masks can stop guillotines
PARIS—Anti-tyranny protesters rallied in cities across France on Saturday, denouncing President Emmanuel Macron and threatening to "get Enlightenmented on his...
Pfizer CEO says Omicron vaccine will be ready just in time for it to be completely useless
US—Pfizer CEO Albert Bourla on Monday said a vaccine that targets the Omicron variant of COVID will be ready in March, just in...
RIP Stephen Colbert
What a sad day for comedy. Not only did we lose legend Bob Saget but also a good friend of...
DoD quietly adds new DEFCON levels for Biden food cravings, poopy pants
WASHINGTON, DC—The Office of the Joint Chiefs of Staff has notified media outlets that the Department of Defense has added...
Penn’s trans swimmer complains of ball-crushing swimsuit in loss to Yale’s trans swimmer
NEW HAVEN, CT—The University of Pennsylvania transwoman swimmer Lia Thomas complained of her swimsuit crushing her lady balls in her...
‘There is no mass formation psychosis’ says the people perpetrating mass formation psychosis
US—There is no evidence of mass formation psychosis according to the people perpetrating mass formation psychosis. Mass formation psychosis, according...
