Hey RFK Jr., Hands Off! Why Poison in Our Food Is Actually Good 
Millions of new tariff experts unsure how to pay off their student loan debt 
Climate activists protest Elon Musk by sending ‘NO DOGE’ smoke signals up from burning Tesla batteries 
AOC: Only Illegal Immigrants Should Get Due Process Because they Broke the Law to be Here So Clearly They Really Want It 
BREAKING: Katy Perry declares herself pope after reading the Bible for 11 minutes 
BREAKING: Kansas City Chiefs QB Mahomes demands team change name to KC White CEOs
KANSAS CITY, MO—Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahomes has left training camp and says he will "not play another down in the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Dozens shocked that Democrat lawmakers won’t be held accountable
US—Dozens of people around the globe were shocked today to learn that multiple Democratic lawmakers won't be held accountable for...
Handlers shocked as Biden appears to develop own ideas about presidency
WASHINGTON, DC—Joe Biden’s “strategists” expressed shock and disbelief this morning when Joe Biden woke up with some ideas about how...
Cleveland Indians win the next World Series after changing their name to Dominion Voting Machines
The long lasting name for the movie-star Cleveland Indians baseball team has come to an end. Many other infamous teams...
FBI: ‘Our top priority is keeping citizens safe from violent plots devised by us’
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has assured citizens that their "top priority is keeping citizens safe from violent plots devised by the...
Experts confused why COVID cases are spiking in areas they’re sending untested immigrants
US—Health experts are utterly confused as to why cases of the deadly COVID virus are spiking in places they are...
BREAKING: Biden designates the American flag a white supremacist hate symbol
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden has designated the current American flag and all its predecessors as a hate symbol after seeing...
Brave US women’s soccer team kneels during entire Olympic match, loses 303-0
TOKYO—In perhaps the bravest virtue signaling to date, the entire US women's soccer team took a knee during before their...
Rand Paul installs new height requirement to prevent Fauci from lying to Congress
WASHINGTON, DC—Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) has installed a new height requirement in the Senate Committee on Health, Education, Labor, and...
Biden officially renames White House Press Secretary ‘Miss Information’
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Biden has officially renamed the White House Press Secretary position "Miss Information" in order to better align with...
