Gov Newsom limits gatherings to 3 families if a midget is present and no laughing
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom has decreed a new set of social distancing guidelines from on high allowing the peasant classes to...
Gavin Newsom
Newsom signs executive order releasing prison inmates who don’t ‘identify’ as a criminals
SACRAMENTO—California Gov. Gavin Newsom (D) signed an executive order Saturday allowing inmates to be released from prison immediately if they don't "identify" as a...
Satan buys summer home in California after Newsom makes it just right for him
LOS ANGELES--The fallen angel Lucifer, also known as Satan, has purchased a summer home in California after Governor Gavin Newsom...
Innovative California police department goes 100% transparent
BAD WATER, CA—The town of Bad Water has decided to have the most transparent police force in America. Considered by...
The #1 attraction in California this year is Texas
LOS ANGELES—For the second year in a row, the top attraction in the beautiful state of California is Texas. "There's...
BREAKING: California mandates conversion therapy for white people
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom has announced a new mandated program of conversion therapy for people stricken with whiteness. "Californians have woken...
Tear-gassed protesters discover face masks don’t work
PORTLAND—Thousands of tear-gassed protesters from across the country are discovering that their face masks don't work when they get a...
Newsom mandates leather face masks so Californians can literally lick boots while being bootlickers
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom has issued a statewide order mandating that all Californians wear leather face masks while in public or...
BREAKING: Newsom mandates full face masks for California women amid COVID spike
SACRAMENTO—Gov. Gavin Newsom ordered all California women to wear a new complete face covering while in public or high-risk settings,...
Newsom reassures public that the church of the state is still open during lockdown
On Friday, President Trump deemed houses of worship “essential" while California and other states keep in-person services closed due to...
