CDC releases new ‘mood ring’ that tells what COVID variant you have
ATLANTA—The US Centers for Disease Control and Promotion (CDC) are experts at science and all the science-y things. They come...
COVID-19
Biden sends Christmas cards laced with anthrax to millions of Americans
WASHINGTON, DC—President* Joe Biden and his wife, Doctor* Jill Biden want to wish every unvaccinated American a "wonderful, cheery and...
CDC warns US NOT to get J&J shot after J&J failed to contribute enough to DNC
ATLANTA—A Centers for Disease Control and Proliferation (CDC) advisory committee voted Thursday to advise calling mRNA coronavirus vaccines such as...
BREAKING: Dr. Fauci announces the Ermahgerd variant
WASHINGTON, DC—Dr. Anthony Fauci, leading US doctor of all things medical and sciencey has just announced a new horrible variant...
Twitter bans Twitter for allowing CDC tweets contradicting CDC
TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned indefinitely from its own platform for violating its community standards of not...
BREAKING: Dr. Fauci mixes COVID variants to create even more deadly variant “Deltacron”
WASHINGTON, DC—Dr. Fauci has been working tirelessly over the past year and a half to stay relevant for literally forever,...
Australians shocked to wake up in concentration camps after giving up their guns
DARWIN–Thousands of Australians were shocked to find themselves in concentration camps just a few short years after giving up their...
BREAKING: US proposes new lockdown to stop the Omicron variant
US—Citizens across the US proposed new lockdown measures in the face of the scary-sounding Omicron coronavirus variant. "It's pretty clear...
BREAKING: Travel bans aren’t racist anymore
WASHINGTON, DC—Officials have declared that it is no longer racist to restrict travel from Africa after President* Joe Biden restricted...
How to Get Over Hesitance of Giving Your Kids Deadly Drugs to Prevent Diseases that Don’t Harm them
We at Genesius Times care about your health. But we care about our bottom line more. That's why we're offering...
