BREAKING: California legalizes needle rape for K-12 schools
SACRAMENTO—California on Friday became the first state to legalize needle rape for all public and private schoolchildren, a move affecting...
Gavin Newsom
BREAKING: Fox News calls tomorrow’s California recall election for Gavin Newsom
SACRAMENTO—Fox News has officially called tomorrow's California recall election for Governor Gavin Newsom hours before in-person voting has begun. After...
BREAKING: California decriminalizes rapes lasting under 1 minute
SACRAMENTO, CA—Citing justice based on California's decriminalization of theft under $1000, Governor Gavin Newsom has unilaterally decriminalized rapes lasting less...
Gov Newsom sues to get swastika removed from his name on recall ballot
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom is suing the state’s top elections official in an attempt to get the swastika removed from...
Newsom assures Californians his vaccine passports will be ‘super cute’
SACRAMENTO, CA—Governor Gavin Newsom announced a new way to show that you've been vaccinated against COVID-19 and allayed fears about...
Texas publishes helpful map for Californians looking to move to the state
AUSTIN—The Texas Board of Californian Resettlement (TBCR) has published a helpful map for all the Californians seeking asylum in their...
Californian arrested for expressing wrong political opinion
LOS ANGELES, CA—The Los Angeles Police Department arrested local LA resident Max Summers earlier today for expressing the wrong political...
Official How-To Guide for Safely Celebrating Thanksgiving in 2020
Millions of Americans find themselves unsure how to celebrate Thanksgiving this year due to the China Virus. Using recommendations and...
Newsom allows religious gatherings again as long as they’re mass suicides
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom has lifted the ban on religious gatherings in his state as long as the gathering is a mass...
Gov Newsom limits gatherings to 3 families if a midget is present and no laughing
SACRAMENTO—Governor Gavin Newsom has decreed a new set of social distancing guidelines from on high allowing the peasant classes to...
