BREAKING: Jill Biden arrested for elderly abuse
WILMINGTON, DE—After months of forcing her senior-citizen husband Joe Biden into the public spotlight despite his declining cognitive inabilities, Jill...
Politics
BREAKING: Trump SCOTUS pick Barrett tried pineapple on her pizza in college
(CNN)—Leading congressional Democrats are calling for the withdrawal of President Trump's Supreme Court nominee Amy Coney Barrett after evidence has...
Senate Democrats prepare SCOTUS nominee Amy Barrett for questioning
Democratic senators on the Senate Judiciary Committee have chucked their white suits and dresses for more appropriate attire, wearing Roman...
China pinky-promises to lower carbon emissions by 2069
BEIJING—Xi Jinping and all of his advisors have pinky-promised to lower their country’s emissions by the year 2069. The promise...
All food packaging to feature at least one Obama from now on
The Mars company announced today they are 'Racist No More' and have signed Barack Obama to replace the outdated Uncle...
Biden says his white supremacy is okay because he ‘is black’
WORSCHESTER, PA—Democratic presidential nominee Joe Biden says that his white supremacy is "okay" because he is black. "C'mon man! You...
Hooked on Phonics releases ‘How to Argue Like a Liberal’ course
The educational program Hooked on Phonics has released an innovative new course entitled "How to Argue Like a Liberal," complete...
#metoo changes name to #hetoo ahead of Trump’s female SCOTUS pick
WASHINGTON DC—The civil rights #metoo campaign, which was pivotal in the fight against literal Hitler Brett Kavanaugh has changed its...
Anticipating SCOTUS riots: Trump calls up clone army
Fearing Democrats will make good on their threats and burn down America if he so much as whispers a nomination...
Republicans encourage Nancy Pelosi to join Ginsburg in a new kind of #MeToo movement
WASHINGTON DC—As we have heard from virtually every Democrat in both the House and Senate, Ruth Bader Ginsburg was a...
