BREAKING: Pete Hegseth storms Senate Armed Forces Hearing; claims Capitol for Jesus Christ 
BREAKING: Pete Hegseth opens senate confirmation hearing by calling Adam Schiff ‘so ugly even Epstein wouldn’t bring him to his island’ 
BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Biden reassures California wildfire victims he will be sending $100 billion to Ukraine in their name 
AOC horrified that people are using gas-powered blowtorches instead of solar-powered one to start wildfires in California 
Gavin Newsom unveils fully-developed ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
Elon Musk buys Twitter for $600B to label all CDC tweets as misinformation
AUSTIN—The world's wealthiest man and recent Time Person of the Year Elon Musk has purchased the legacy social media platform...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
‘Businessmen are parasites’ says rep who lives solely on extorted taxpayer money
WASHINGTON, DC—Brave Senator Elizabeth Warren (D-MA), who has been an ardent fighter for the unemployed worker, recently set aim on...
BREAKING: Biden to replace Christmas with 12 variants of Coronamas
WASHINGTON, DC—Due to the rise of gas prices, an increase in inflation, and overall economic failure, the the Biden administration...
BREAKING: Dr. Fauci announces the Ermahgerd variant
WASHINGTON, DC—Dr. Anthony Fauci, leading US doctor of all things medical and sciencey has just announced a new horrible variant...
Twitter bans Twitter for allowing CDC tweets contradicting CDC
TWATVILLE, CA—Social media behemoth Twitter has been banned indefinitely from its own platform for violating its community standards of not...
Time accidentally names African-American Elon Musk ‘Person of the Year’ because they thought he was black
NEW YORK—Time Magazine has issued an apology for selecting the South African-American Elon Musk as its "Person of the Year"...
CNN: No one is left to report on child sex abuse conspiracy theory because everyone has been fired for child sex abuse
ATLANTA—CNN has been at the forefront of the brave mainstream media denying that there is an epidemic of child sex...
Waukesha terrorist named Time Person of the Year for 2021
NEW YORK—Time Magazine has followed up the 2020 Person of the Year (Joe Biden and Kamala Harris) with an even...
Nike stands with Jussie Smollett in new ad campaign
BEAVERTON, OR—Nike is throwing its support behind the embattled actress Jussie Smollett in a new ad campaign with the tag...
BREAKING: Congress votes to move US-Mexico border wall to Ukraine
In a bipartisan vote, the US House of Representatives voted to send the border wall between US and Mexico to...
