Donald Trump picks Elizabeth Warren to head Bureau of Indian Affairs 
Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus 
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Southwest hires thousands of inflatable autopilots to replace unvaxxed employees
DALLAS—Southwest Airlines CEO Gary Kelly said that there was no issue with the company mandating vaccinations and that they were...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
BREAKING: Biden bans assault breathing; mandates holding breath while in public
WASHINGTON, DC—In the ongoing fight against the deadliest disease ever, President* Joe Biden has outlawed assault breathing and mandated that...
BREAKING: Jon Gruden identifies as Hunter Biden so media will ignore his emails
LAS VEGAS—Jon Gruden has identified as President* Biden's son Hunter Biden so that the media will ignore his offensive emails,...
Anti-mask student released from jail after promising to become a school shooter instead
LARAMIE, WY—An anti-mask Laramie high school student, Grace Smith, was arrested for trespassing after daring to come to school without...
Southwest cancels 1000s of flights, blames Jupiter’s Giant Red Spot overtaking US
DALLAS—Southwest Airlines canceled hundreds more flights Monday after the airline was forced to ground nearly 2,000 flights over the weekend, blaming...
CDC warns Democrats to not take ivermectin because ‘it kills parasites’
ATLANTA—The Centers for Disease Control and Health Prevention (CDC) has issued a warning that Democrats and democratic socialists should not...
Petito family Photoshops MAGA hat on Brian Laundrie so the FBI will look for him
The family of Gabby Petitio have provided a new photo of the missing Brian Laundrie to the FBI. The photo...
Democrats hold contest to name upcoming election season Covid variants
WASHINGTON DC—With interest in the China Virus declining, Democrats are holding a nationwide contest to name new variants to reinvigorate...
Teen out on bail following ‘mostly peaceful’ school shooting
(CNN) ARLINGTON, TX—Timothy George Simpkins is out on bail following his role in the mostly peaceful school shooting at Timberview...
Biden praises Lightfoot for how many Chicagoans have ‘gotten shot’ this year
CHICAGO—In a rambling, incoherent speech, the most popular president in the history of the world pushed his vaccine agenda in...
