Gavin Newsom unveils ‘totally spontaneous’ plans to rebuild Los Angeles after fires 
JUST IN: Tone deaf pilot has gender reveal party in the midst of LA wildfires 
Woman who got rich from people burning down cities get her mansion burnt down by wildfire 
BREAKING: LAPD arrest local vigilantes for stopping arsonists setting fires throughout city 
BREAKING: California rejects Oregon firefighters after their trucks fail smog check 
China reassures world that new virus will be ready in time for the Olympics
BEIJING—The Chinese Olympic committee said today that people shouldn’t worry, they will absolutely have a new virus ready by the...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
Justin Trudeau came out of his hole and saw his shadow so will spend another 6 weeks in quarantine
OTTAWA, CANADA—As is the new custom for Groundhog Day, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau poked his head out of the hole...
OPED: Truckers ? aren’t ? workers ? so ? they ? don’t ? have ? rights
I don't know who needs to hear this but truckers—especially the ones protesting the vaccine mandates in Canada—aren't real workers,...
BREAKING: DC NFL team confirms new name: Washington Communists
WASHINGTON, DC—The Washington National Football League team, which has been nameless since getting rid of their racist Redskins nomenclature has...
BREAKING: To make Canada more inclusive, Justin Trudeau bans white people from the country
OTTAWA, CANADA—In an effort to make Canada more inclusive, Prime Minster Justin Trudeau has officially banned white people from the...
US Bobsled team renames their sled ‘Biden’ because nothing has taken America downhill faster
BEIJING—In preparation for the 2022 Winter Olympics, the US bobsled team has named their #1 sled "Biden" because nothing has...
POLL: Who would you rather have running the government: Truckers or Politicians?
Truckers have descended on Canada's capital raising the question, who would you rather have running the government?
UPENN combines men’s / women’s swim teams; winning now based on talent and looks
PHILADELPHIA—UPENN Board of Trustees will announce tomorrow that the best solution for the swim team’s trans conundrum is to keep...
Abraham Lincoln quote on online arguments
This is one of my favorite Lincoln quotes. It really summarizes the current age of Twitter arguments. Lincoln was so...
Socialists are furious that workers of the world are uniting
OTTAWA, CANADA—Socialists in Canada and in various countries are furious today as workers of the world are uniting to protest...
