Donald Trump picks Elizabeth Warren to head Bureau of Indian Affairs 
Outgoing Transportation Sec. Pete Buttigieg taps P. Diddy for mission to destroy Uranus 
BREAKING: Biden Sneaks in Pardon for Hunter During Annual Turkey Pardon Ceremony 
Farewell, X: Why I’m Leaving Over Their Refusal to Censor Me 
Bernie declares eating $6.2 million duct-taped bananas a human right to be paid for by government 
Local woman fired for refusing to put something in her body against her will
A local woman, Lauren Preston, says she was fired by her employer for refusing to put something into her body...
Satire That’s Truer Than News
FBI investigates FBI and finds it did nothing wrong in Larry Nassar case
WASHINGTON, DC—The FBI has reviewed its decision not to charge FBI agents for their misconduct during the investigation of former...
Biden taps Weinstein to lead ‘Jobs for Jabs’ program citing his experience putting things into people’s bodies for them to get work
WASHINGTON, DC—US President* Joe Biden has appointed famous Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein to lead his new "Jab for a Job"...
Facebook temporarily bans itself for violating its own misinformation policy
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Hundreds of millions of people were unable to access Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp for more than six hours...
BREAKING: All global sex trafficking halted as Facebook suffers outage
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—All global sex trafficking operations have been halted as the social media giant Facebook and its subsidiaries Instagram...
BREAKING: California legalizes needle rape for K-12 schools
SACRAMENTO—California on Friday became the first state to legalize needle rape for all public and private schoolchildren, a move affecting...
YouTube bans YouTube for showing videos of the CDC contradicting the CDC
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Google’s media giant YouTube has been banned indefinitely from its own video streaming service for violating its community...
AOC: ‘We must ban butter to save these poor butterflies!’
WASHINGTON, DC—In a new push toward a more just and equitable climate, US Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) has made a...
Breaking WELY News Update
The US government is collapsing and we’re pretending it’s not! All in the latest news update! Stay current on the...
Bill Gates warns he can’t turn on the 5G depopulation switch until everyone’s vaccinated
SEATTLE—Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation Chair Bill Gates has warned that he can't turn on the 5G depopulation switch until...
