BREAKING: Supreme Court cancels itself after discovering ties to slavery
WASHINGTON, DC—Chief Justice of the Supreme Court John Roberts announced that the Supreme Court of the United States is cancelling...
woke
LeBron James literally oppresses me by making millions playing a game a white man invented
Can we talk about the fact that LeBron James is literally killing me by making millions of dollars playing a...
To ensure equality, NBA will now end all games in 93-93 tie
LOS ANGELES—The National Basketball Association is putting its money where its social justice mouth is. To ensure equality in the...
BREAKING: NBA finally ends discrimination based on height
NEW YORK—The National Basketball Association (NBA) has ended its longstanding discriminatory policy on height after many allegations of teams excluding...
UPS commits to burning half of your packages if Derek Chauvin is acquitted
ATLANTA—UPS has increased the stakes in the woke corporation olympics. The package "delivery" service has committed to burning half of...
Ben & Jerry’s will discontinue vanilla ice cream to fight white supremacy
(FOX NEWS)—Ben & Jerry’s will discontinue vanilla-flavored ice cream to fight white supremacy, according to reports. The company’s decision will...
Mayor reminds citizens to wear BLM gear when burning city so the FBI won’t investigate
PORTLAND, OR—City officials urged that rioters proudly display their Black Lives Matter gear while burning the city down in protest...
Ben and Jerry’s launches ‘Be Less Vanilla’ ice cream with arsenic to fight white supremacy
(FOX NEWS)—Ben and Jerry’s will begin including the deadly toxin arsenic in their "Be Less Vanilla" ice cream to fight...
Local small business eyes big riches by getting woke
CORPUS CHRISTI, TX- Following the example of popular mega-corporations, local landscaper George Feldman's growing business is adopting woke politics in...
MLB changes name to Baseball League Matters in response to protest
ATLANTA—Major League Baseball (MLB) has changed its name to Baseball League Matters (BLM) in response to the protest of its...
