Genesius Times: Tomorrow’s Babylon Bee Today

Genesius-Times-Breaking-News
andrew-muslim-hat

Prince Andrew Converts to Islam; Police Immediately Drop All Charges

trump-migrant-greenland

Trump identifies as ‘3rd World migrant rapist’ to get European leaders to just give him Greenland

Deep-thoughts-AOC

AOC: The Minneapolis school shooting didn’t really happen because there are no guns allowed at schools

obama-detention centers

BREAKING: Obama says he didn’t commit treason in Russiagate because he’s ‘not even an American citizen’

hunter-biden-piece-shit

BREAKING: Hunter Biden wondering why no one wants to buy his paintings anymore

harris-jelly-month

BREAKING: In lieu of aid, Kamala Harris enrolls all victims of Hurricane Helene in the Jelly of the Month Club

trump-assassination-attempt

BREAKING: Trump indicted for interfering with an official CIA assassination of him

democrats

Democrats terrified that if Trump is elected, he’ll do exactly what they’re doing to him and his supporters

butker-pope-francis

BREAKING: Pope Francis excommunicates Harrison Butker for being ‘too Catholic’

zelensky-american-taxes

Zelensky reminds every American to do their taxes so that he will get paid

buttigieg-bridge

BREAKING: After deadly Baltimore shipping accident, Transportation Head Buttigieg vows to go on a boating vacation next

pink-prolifers

Pink threatens to make pro-lifers listen to her music if they don’t start supporting abortion

redacted-maralago

BREAKING: Redacted FBI warrant for Mar-a-Lago raid just says ‘Orange Man Bad’

chris-rock-will-smith

Chris Rock to have sex with Will Smith’s wife instead of make fun of her so that Smith won’t hit him again

rachel-levine-clone-army

BREAKING: Biden sending army of ‘terrifying’ Rachel Levine clones to defend Ukraine

biden-dies

Biden admin to require proof of vaccination to receive free crack

hhs-masks-crack-holes

Biden HHS giving out free COVID masks with holes for easier crack smoking

Biden Press conference

President Biden promises to solve all the problems caused by whoever is president

emperor-palbiden

Biden changes name to Emperor Palbiden, establishes Galactic Empire

newsom-needle-rape-k12

Gov. Newsom named U-Haul’s #1 salesman of 2021

hillary-clinton-losing-2020

BREAKING: Hillary Clinton ‘seriously thinking about’ losing again in 2024

oregon-crack-mask

Portland offers free hits of crack with proof of COVID vaccination

biden-polls-china

New polls show Biden winning nearly every province in China

pence-debate-fly

BREAKING: Pence’s excellent debate responses fed by covert drone fly

biden-harris-mariachi

Biden and Harris form mariachi band to woo Latino voters

vladimir putin joins anti bad guys jpeg

Vladimir Putin joins Antifa; immediately wins Nobel Peace Prize

care-n_react

Facebook’s new ‘Care-n’ react sends people directly to concentration camps

deblasio-invades-poland

BREAKING: De Blasio has instructed NYPD to invade Poland

satire-sites

STUDY: More satire sites get their news from Genesius Times than any other source

dem-rep-stimulus-coronavirus

BREAKING: Democrats and Republicans agree to give you some of your money

obama-credit-stocks-crash

Obama abruptly quits taking credit for the economy after stock market plunge

california-quarantined

BREAKING: Trump permanently quarantines entire state of California as protective measure

i-was-raped-by-whoever

OPED: I was raped by whoever Trump picks to replace Ginsburg on the Supreme Court

DevilSocialists

Satan congratulates socialists for committing every deadly sin at once

MOST-RELIABLE-FAKE-NEWS

Genesius Times surpasses CNN as most reliable source of fake news in US

martian-austronauts-prochoice

Pro-choice astronauts: ‘No sign of life here, just these growing human fetuses’

fetus-immigrant

Fetuses identifying as undocumented immigrants to claim right to life from Democrats

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