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DNC to Replace 2020 Convention with Two Minutes of Loud, Sustained Yelling at Images of Trump

In a move that some have called "hip" and "with it", the Democratic National Committee will do away with their traditional convention in 2020 and...

Governor’s Wife to Go By “First Seal” not “First Lady” in Nod to Gender Equality and the End of the World

SACRAMENTO, Calif. — Jennifer Siebel Newsom, the life partner of California's newly inaugurated governor, Gavin Newsom, says she's nixing the traditional title of "First Lady"...

Congressional turd proposes 70% tax on rich for gold-plated sewers

The first-ever living turd to be elected to the US House of Representatives, Chet (@ChetTheTurd), is not wasting any time making waves. He has proposed...

Transgender woman destroys game shop; wonders why people don’t treat her like a lady

In a barbaric rage, a biological man who prefers to be called a woman, destroyed a game store in Albuquerque, New Mexico this week, wondering...

BREAKING: Shots fired at Nakatomi Plaza in Los Angeles; possible hostage situation

Police, SWAT, and FBI are surrounding Nakatomi Plaza at this hour after a police officer was reportedly fired upon. The police officer had stopped by...

Tech Grid

Google offers aversion therapy for conservative employees who slipped through the cracks

After several complaints by Google employees that a manager mentioned the deeply problematic and homophobic word "family", the company (NASDAQ: GOOG) will be offering aversion...

Congressional turd proposes 70% tax on rich for gold-plated sewers

The first-ever living turd to be elected to the US House of Representatives, Chet (@ChetTheTurd), is not wasting any time making waves. He has proposed...

Google office quarantined after employee accidentally wished a “Merry Christmas”

The Google Headquarters in Mountain View, California shut down Monday after a delivery man cheerfully wished a receptionist a "Merry Christmas". All employees were evacuated...

Smartphone user thrilled by mobile site’s thirty-seven pop-ups

A Sarasota, NY man, Perry Pouche, who recently upgraded to the latest smartphone technology, says that he really loves it when browsing a mobile website...

Communist tweets “Death to Capitalism” on iPhone while slamming down Big Mac

An ardent socialist and vocal proponent of "full communism" has recently tweeted, "Death to CAPITALISM!!!" Stephen Loseritz, 7th year gender studies student at the University...

Social bathroom tweeter now concerned about privacy after receiving presidential alert

A Wisconsin man, known to friends and neighbors as the "bathroom tweeter" and who has posted detailed accounts of every meal he consumes, every phlegm-ridden...